101 off limits
I keep saying that impromptu, unwanted feminism 101 discussions are exhausting and not a good use of my resources. Then people ask what I mean by 101, so I’m starting to make a list. This list will change over time - I recommend checking back.
I highly recommend checking this list before engaging with me about feminism if you’re new to it. It’ll save both of us a lot of time and frustration. It’s written in my voice. If you don’t like that, feel free to find another resource. :)
Nope. This argument is bad and the science does not support it. Unfortunately, every time you say this out loud, you are contributing to cultural problems that do decrease the number of women in tech.
Also see, How Does Biology Explain the Low Numbers of Women in CS? Hint: it doesn’t by Terri Oda.
Also see That’s reverse-*ism!Why do women try to get ahead by pulling men down? by Missy Titus uses some good metaphors that might help you understand why this is wrong. So you want to put on a diverse, inclusive conference and Increasing diversity at your conference.
Language Matters: Stop Using “Guys” to Address Mix-Gender Groups by Christie Koehler.this great 101 and FAQ from Ashe Dryden.
Check out the examples from the Geek Feminism Wiki. This is pretty much the gold standard. Most conferences use some variant of this policy.
Watch this video from Ken White a lawyer and legal blogger. He outlines how American anti-harassment laws work, how convention policies supplement them, and how best practices can make them more effective.Abuse as DDoS.
The Level Playing Field Institute’s The Tilted Playing Field: Hidden Bias in Information Technology Workplaces does a good job of showing the difference in perception between different groups.
Compare attrition rates. For example, according to NCWIT “Forty-one percent of women leave technology companies after 10 years of experience, compared to only 17 percent of men.”
Sexual Violence: Facts at a Glance from the CDC.rape culture 101. Then read it again. And again. And again. Pretty much read that on the daily until it’s seeped in.
I spent an evening explaining this on twitter and sharing resources. Check out the collection of tweets.Explain rape culture to me. If you still think it’s not a thing, please don’t ever speak to me about this. Honestly, I’m not really interested in engaging with people who are aware of what rape culture is and deny its existence.
This comment about rape jokes may also help you understand.Schrödinger’s Rapist. This may help you understand. Alternatively, you may have read this already and that’s why you’re saying this to me. It’s not paranoia when the rape and violence statistics are what they are. Please don’t tell us how to react to our own lived experiences. Meet the Predators from the Yes Means Yes blog. It reviews some studies about who commits rape and how frequently. It’s important in understanding that many rapists are not strangers in dark alleys. That they’re people we know. That many will do it again and again because they get away with it. They also have a follow-up post Predator Redux. the fixed state ally model versus the process ally model. I subscribe to the latter, and it sounds like you subscribe to the former.
See also Your behavior is pushing away alliesIntro to Power, Privilege, Oppression, and Allyship from NASCO is pretty useful.
Shanley has a good post on What Can Men Do?.On Making Mistakes to learn about my approach to making the best of a bad situation when I fuck up. the terrible bargain we’ve regretfully struck.
I’ll be a lot more likely to give you my time if you schedule it with me and do the bare minimum of research first.tone argument. It’s a well-known derailing technique that is patronizing and dismissive. Some of the things feminism has to say are hard - there’s no nice way to say them. It’s also not my job to act pleasing and friendly on all occasions. If you regularly find my tone to not match your interests, feel free to find another source - I won’t be mad. I will be frustrated and contemptuous if you use a tone argument on me. Feminism 101: On Anger.
Also, groups of marginalized people are often accused of being angry when what they are is frustrated. Sometimes, we’re not angry, we’re dissatisfied.the spoon theory. Read this post. I’m not offended, I’m contemptuous.